i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
