I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize