We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
