He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i need some magic done to my vagina
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
