i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
