hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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