i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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