i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
