I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
