Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
