you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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