She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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