you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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