we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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