and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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