I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
