mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
