no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
