My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
