It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
