I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
