Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
