I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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