I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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