Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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