So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
