She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize