New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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