am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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