I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
