Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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