I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
