I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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