Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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