She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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