I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
