I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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