I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
