great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
