I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
