Just fell off a train. Bad.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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