i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
