I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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