none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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