He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize