Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
COCAINE IS GR8
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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