saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
