its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
