he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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