2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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