The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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