piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
