It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
