she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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