I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
