Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
