put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
