I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
