A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
