I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
