Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
