atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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