Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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