Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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