my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
