i think my tv is drunk
i think my mom watched the whole time
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
