go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
