The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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