I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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