As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
