My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
