My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
