Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize