you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
