"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is wine microwaveable?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
