Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
this will be a night to untag.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just gargled with NyQuil
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
