none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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