obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
