You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize