idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
