if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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