Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
