its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize