I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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