you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
