I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize