I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
