my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
